Allan Hardman on Conscious Relationship
Happiness Is Your Birthright
Balanced Life is delighted that Allan Hardman is writing a column for each issue on Conscious Relationship—this is the thirteenth in his series. We hope you will find it stimulating and useful. Please send questions, comments, and feedback to Balanced Life Magazine and/or Allan..
You came into this world happy. You were the very essence of joy itself. You laughed and cried and skipped and danced. You felt what you felt, liked what you liked, and wanted what you wanted. You were free to be exactly who you were—and your nature was happiness.
Over time, of course, you learned to be afraid to feel what you felt, to like what you liked, and want what you wanted. You were taught it wasn’t okay to cry or to sing too loudly, you were annoying when you were hungry an hour before dinner, and someone told you not to run because you would surely hurt yourself.
Slowly you pulled in your joy, you pushed down your tears, and you denied your anger. You learned to hide your light under a bushel, and become what others expected you to be. You learned to look outside of yourself to know what to do, how to act, and what to want or need. You had to. As a child you had no choice but to conform to the living dream around you, and do your best to get along in it.
Some people went to sleep forever in that dream, others ended up rebelling, and others are awakening from the slumber and asking, “Who or what am I, really?” If you are reading this column, I am going to assume you are one of the waking up ones — and that is exciting. More and more humans are awakening to the somewhat shocking reality they have lost touch with the truth of the unique self they once knew themselves to be.
It is never too late to reclaim our birthright to be happy. I’m not talking about the happiness that comes from the outside—like from a new iPhone, the boss’s compliment, or an exciting new relationship. I am speaking of the happiness that is our default state, the happiness we came into life with and were forced to abandon.
How can we return to that state of default happiness? What steps can we take, what do we need to know or remember?
Let’s start by defining this happiness of which I speak. I am using the word to define an experience we have when we are free of the thoughts and beliefs that hold us back and limit us in our lives. Imagine yourself as a child, running through life, waving your arms in joy… or lying in the grass laughing with a friend. You weren’t happy about anything, you were simply happiness itself, pouring through you.
This happiness is ours when we accept ourselves exactly as we are, and exactly as we are not. Every self-judgment, every self-rejection limits that acceptance and your happiness. The more you judge yourself, the less of this real happiness you will experience. The more you accept yourself, the more you will begin to accept the world around you as it is. When you aren’t in conflict or resistance to the unfolding of this great mysterious universe as it is, you will return to your birthright of happiness.
Of course, as a human, you will experience emotional and physical pain sometimes. If you don’t victimize yourself by thinking it’s unfair, and accept it as it is without resistance, you can stay in happiness while you experience the pain. I hope that makes sense to you.
We could say this true happiness is the absence of suffering. You suffer when you think you are a victim. Judging creates victimization. Victims are powerless. Powerlessness creates fear. You can’t be happy and in fear at the same time. So, to return to your birthright happiness, your task is to stop judging yourself and the universe. After all, the universe was perfect before you got here, and it will be perfect after you leave—so why not accept it the way it is now!? It’s called “Love.”
When you accept yourself and the universe just the way you and it are, you will experience a happiness no event or person can take away.
I would be honored to support you on your journey to your birthright happiness if that is your path.
IN love.
Allan Hardman is a relationship coach, author, teacher, and Toltec Master, trained by Miguel Ruiz in the tradition of The Four Agreements. He is the author of The Everything Toltec Wisdom Book. For information about Allan’s spiritual coaching, his online apprenticeship community, or to subscribe to his free e-newsletter, visit: www.joydancer.com. Or call (707) 528-1271. E-mail comments: allan@joydancer.com.
