Peaceful Parenting
Everything’s Going to Be OK
Until recently, I thought I had made great strides toward living my life from a place of love and courage, rather than fear. I worked hard to identify the unconscious belief systems that kept me afraid and held me back, and felt confident that I would no longer allow fear to preside over my choices and decisions.
And then I became a parent!
Much to my surprise, I discovered an enormous, untapped reservoir of fear lurking in the shadows. I had no idea parenting would provide such an exhausting array of new things to worry about! From the moment it sunk in that I was going to be a parent, I could feel the weight of the responsibility of the many decisions I would be called upon to make in an attempt to chart a course for my children’s future…physically, emotionally, socially, intellectually, and spiritually.
And most of these seemingly all-important choices appear to carry with them the unanswerable question, “Am I doing the right thing?” And the potential underlying consequence that a choice I make might result in my child being "screwed up for life!!!"
Perhaps that sounds a bit over-dramatic, but oftentimes that’s how it feels, isn’t it? We love our children so intensely, we want them to have every opportunity to excel in life, but the truth is there really isn’t any way to know what’s “best” for them. If we look for answers outside ourselves, we find that even the “experts” contradict each other. And, without a proverbial crystal ball, we cannot possibly predict the twists and turns a child’s life will take, and what they will need to prepare for wherever their journey takes them. Given these circumstances, how can we possibly know we are making the “right” choices?
BUT – what if it turns out that we, the parents, are not actually the ones that are steering our child’s boat? What if there is a grander, more vast process going on behind the scenes? One that, although it certainly involves us, isn’t actually being directed by us?
What I have come to realize, from working with parents and children as an astrological counselor and parenting coach, is this: Our children are creating their own experience. They came into this world with a purpose, a mission, and an unrelenting passion for an experience of their own making. Yes, they cast us in the role of mother/father/grandparent, but they are writing and directing the story. Just as we, ourselves, wrote our own story…as did our parents before us. And the choices that we are making, consciously or unconsciously, will inevitably serve our children, in the very way that they desired to be served all along.
So, if my children are creating their own experience, then I really can’t make any “wrong” decisions. All of my fears about what could go wrong, or the list of the things I don’t want them to experience, are merely projections of my own inner demons. And all of my desires for what I want/hope/dream for them, what I think will be “best” for them, are simply a creation of my own ego-mind, and not necessarily in alignment with what they came here to experience.
I want to support my children, wholeheartedly. It is not supportive of me to constantly be in my head, coming from a place of fear, trying to figure out what to do, making an action plan. The spiritual teacher, Adyashanti, reminds us that the source of our suffering simply lies in the belief that things should be different than what they are. Peace can only be found within the acceptance of “what is”. Knowing this makes the need for me to be taking some sort of “action” for my children’s future seem less important. And this leaves room for my child’s soul to do it’s work...unimpeded by my hopes and fears.
When I can stop my busy mind from trying to come up with ways that things should be different, I can find my way to a place of peace and silence. And within that silence is where I can clearly hear my inner voice, my personal guidance system, which knows exactly how to support my child. I find simple answers to choices that previously seemed challenging. Or, at the very least, I can find a place of trust that regardless of what I think needs to be done everything in my child’s life (and my own) is unfolding perfectly. And then, rather than trying to make decisions about right or wrong things to do, I just find myself naturally doing the things that support. In the stillness, I begin to notice things. All the noise fades away and I can SEE my child: see what he needs, what he wants, what he responds to, what’s important to him. And I naturally gravitate towards providing things that support who he is, not who I think he should be, not how I want him to be, not my expectations of him.
The bottom line is, when faced with making “big choices” for your children: don’t be afraid! Have faith in the wisdom of your child. Let go of the fear and trust your own inner voice. Know that your child chose you, that he/she included you, and that you can’t possibly do it wrong. Know that there is great value, both for you and your child, in this journey that you’re going through together, and it’s really OK to let go of “control” and enjoy the experience.
Amy Edwards is a Parenting Coach, applying the principles of Attachment Parenting, Consensual Living and Transformational Astrology to help parents attain authentic and respectful relationships with their children and families. For a free 15-minute consultation, call (916) 212-5501.
www.astrologyforparenting.com.
